Ok, first things first. I said I would update you all when I got back from vacation. All I can say is it was great! I didn't run as much as I should have for various reasons, but I did run! I had a birthday while I was there and ran that day. I thought I should start off a new year of my life with a run and was very glad I did it.
Now, moving on to the actual topic of this blog. My support team. I have so many people that support me in so many ways. I'm constantly amazed at how great people are. When I started running I really didn't think I would keep doing it or would ever want people to know I did it. At some point I wanted people to know what I was doing. I wanted to have people at the finish line of races cheering for me and I wanted people to ask how I was doing. I also realized I needed people. I need people to watch my kids while I run if my husband can't be there. I need people to bring me water or kleenex or come pick me up out in the middle of nowhere when I have to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW!!
I'm amazed at the people that I know or talk to that don't have anyone encouraging them or supporting them in any way. They go to a race alone, run, and go home. I like to make it a celebration. Perhaps I'm vain. That is all part of the experience for me.
I would like to introduce you all to my team:
My husband: Rick is awesome. I don't know what else to say. He gets up early and brings me stuff, he comes and gets me when I need to go to the bathroom. He drives me to races and sometimes sits in the car when it is cold and raining and waits for me. I could go on for hours about how wonderful he is, but I do it in a lot of posts, so I don't need to say it all again. I can't say enough about how great he has been and continues to be.
My kids: They both ride their bikes or run with me on occasion. Ryan always has positive things to say and is encouraging. He also enjoys coming to the races to cheer for me. At least most of the time. I can always count on Adam to be honest with me. Really Mom? Didn't you say you were running 10 miles? Why did you only run 5? Or I say I was proud of a time and he says, "that doesn't seem that fast." He isn't being mean. He's just brutally honest. At my toughest race Adam was at the end running beside me to the finish line. Nothing is better than seeing his little smiling face waiting for me at the end.
My Mom: My mom has this thing where she doesn't like to say "I'm proud of you." Don't freak out. It makes sense. She says she is always proud of us. She would be proud of me if I never ran again. She's not more proud because I ran a half marathon. She always tells me how excited she is or how great she thinks I'm doing. I love that. She has also come and stood outside for hours waiting for me to cross the finish line. She came to Tulsa when I did my half marathon. She had to drive 2 hours the night before, rent a hotel room and get up before dawn to go watch. I can't tell you all how happy that made me.
My aunt Tammy. Before I did my first 5k race I found out I wasn't going to have anyone there to watch me. I really wanted someone that was at the finish line waiting for me. I asked her if she would do it and she did. She got there an hour before the race and stood out in the cold and mist waiting for me to start. She was there when I came around the corner with 1k or so left to go. Then she was at the finish line. It meant so much to me to have her there. She has come to other races since. Last weekend she was there to see me repeat the first race I ever did. When I crossed the finish line 2 minutes faster than last year I think she was just as excited as I was. It was so special to me that I got to share that with her.
I have many other people who support me. The ladies on car-seat.org are always fabulous and continue to encourage me. Also, everyone on the C25k forum. I'm constantly being asked by people in town how my running is going and people seem genuinely happy for me when I tell them. My cousins Tricia and Jennifer are always complimenting me on my running and encouraging me to keep going. They can't come to my races, but they are always cheering for me in spirit. Jennifer even ran with me while in Connecticut and Tricia got up early and drove us to a park to run.
Edit to add: I can't believe I forgot this. My friend Coleen got me a reflective vest so I don't get run over and die while running! I love that she likes me enough to not want me to die :)
Also, the ladies on car-seat.org bought me body glide and mailed it to me when I lost mine. That proves what true friends they are.
I'm sure a lot of other people have helped me at some point or will be there for me in the future. I am so thankful for every single person who encourages me or supports me. And thank you to everyone who reads this blog and listens to me complain or brag about myself.
This week is race registration week for me. I will be registering for the Neewollah 10k, the Route 66 Quarter Marathon, and the Route 66 Half Marathon!!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Things I love to see and hate to see while running
You know how nothing is ever all good? It seems like no matter how good something is, there are bad things about it too. Cheesecake for instance. What could be bad about cheesecake? It's all good, right? Well, no. Eating too much cheesecake will make you fat. Probably clog your arteries and other nasty stuff too.
I've thought a lot about the things that I really like to see while running and have also thought about the things I really do not like to see. Oddly enough, some things make both lists.
Things I love to see:
Things I hate to see:
On Wednesday I will be heading to Connecticut for a week, so I will be running in a strange place. I'm nervous about it, but kind of excited too. I get very bored running the same routes over and over. Especially while it is hot and I have to run before dawn. I run back and forth on the three roads in town that are runnable. Since I live in a very small town I run back and forth a lot. It gets boring. Unless someone steps out of their house with no clothes on when I run by. You know who you are. Then it's kind of exciting!
If I don't die in a fiery plane crash I will update you all on my vacation runs sometime next week!
~Mel
I've thought a lot about the things that I really like to see while running and have also thought about the things I really do not like to see. Oddly enough, some things make both lists.
Things I love to see:
- Baby ducks. Seriously, how cute are they? All soft and cuddly and when they cross in front of me in a straight line I can't help but say "awwwww."
- The sunrise or sunset. There is nothing like running in the morning and watching the sunrise. It is just awesome. The sunset is the same.
- Vehicles. Sometimes people will yell good job as they drive by or honk or something and it encourages me. Also, when I'm out on a country road it gives me hope that if something were to happen someone would eventually help me.
- Snakes. Who knew I could run that fast?! And when I've been running forever and am zoning out it helps me remember I'm still alive.
Things I hate to see:
- Baby ducks. I know, I sound mean. But baby ducks poop and I have to run through it. Plus, when the grass is high and a duck is in the grass you can't see it. The grass is moving and you hear rustling, but you have no idea what it is. Scary.
- The sunrise or sunset. Sunrise is great and pretty and I love it. But in the summer it means the heat is coming. It means the sun will be shining down on you making you even more hot than you already are (is that possible?). Sunset means it is getting dark and if you don't get your butt home soon you will be running in the dark and possibly being hit by a car or stepping on something you really don't want to be stepping on.
- Vehicles. If it's dark vehicles are scary. First, they might hit you. Second, an ax murderer might be driving. Acutally, they are scary during the day for those reasons also. Then there is the whole "just how stupid do I look while running" thing. It's plenty stupid, so I'm sure I give passing motorists a lot to giggle at. It's also awkward when they stop and ask if you're ok. One time I was so tired during a run I almost told some random guy "no, I'm not ok. PLEASE give me a ride!" Instead I always just say yes, though they can probably tell by looking at me that I'm really not ok.
- Snakes. The granddaddy of them all. I hate snakes. Actually, that is a massive understatement. The boys and Rick aren't even allowed to say the word. They have to spell it. Ryan's friend suggested we change the name and call them waffles. I kind of like that idea. I'm not going to go into all of the reasons I hate to see snakes on a run because it is glaringly obvious. I don't want to talk down to you guys. Suffice it to say the whole town knows when I've seen one.
On Wednesday I will be heading to Connecticut for a week, so I will be running in a strange place. I'm nervous about it, but kind of excited too. I get very bored running the same routes over and over. Especially while it is hot and I have to run before dawn. I run back and forth on the three roads in town that are runnable. Since I live in a very small town I run back and forth a lot. It gets boring. Unless someone steps out of their house with no clothes on when I run by. You know who you are. Then it's kind of exciting!
If I don't die in a fiery plane crash I will update you all on my vacation runs sometime next week!
~Mel
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Back To The Basics
Ok, I'll admit it. I've been slacking on my blog. I've had several ideas for posts but haven't been able to make myself do it. I don't know why. Last night I was at a softball game and someone mentioned my blog (thanks Stacey!) and it made me feel guilty, so here is a post.
As you all have heard me whine about, my running has been not so stellar this summer. I have not been able to motivate myself. One night while lying in bed pondering my running, I came up with an idea. And by the way, I'm a really fantastic runner when I'm laying in bed at night. For some reason that's when I think about running a lot. I lay there and think about how awesome it is and how great it's going to be when I get up in the morning to run. I forget about the aches and pains and sweat. I even forget about the exhaustion. Then I get up in the morning. Hmmm, maybe running isn't so fantastic?
Anyway, the idea. I don't think I ever loved running more than I did while I was doing the Bridge to 10K program. So I asked myself, why not do that again? Well, a few reasons. Number 1, did that make me a wimp? Did I really need to go back to a beginner program? What is wrong with me that I can't just suck it up and get out there and run? By the way, I still haven't found an answer to those questions. I'm just trying to ignore them. I'm great at avoidance. Number 2, will it push me enough? Number 3, it is only three days per week. And number 4, I will never run more than 6 miles at a time doing it. So, the solutions. As I said, I'm ignoring my stupid questions from number 1 as they are dumb and just my insecurity talking. Number 2, I'm the one that needs to push, not a program. Number 3, who says I need to only do it 3 days per week? The program is a guideline for me at this point, I can modify it! I can do it however many days a week I want to. I'm such a rebel aren't I? And number 4, distance. Well, again, I modified. On the 4th day I will do a longer version of the week I'm on. So week 1 is run 10 min. walk 1 min. four times. On Saturday I did it seven times instead of four. Hello longer run. It worked great!
Since starting this (a whole week and a half ago) I'm really enjoying running again. I'm looking forward to it, not dreading it. Plus, last week my kids went with me twice. They rode their bikes while I ran. It made it really fun. One day I was running with them riding behind me and I start hearing this noise that sounds like indians from an old cowboy and indian movie. Yes, they watch a lot of John Wayne movies. Don't judge. I'm a horrible parent that lets my kids watch violent television. Whatever. Anyway, I hear this noise. Then I see them pointing imaginary bows and arrows at me and shooting. It turns out they are indian braves out to kill me. I'm not sure how many times I got shot during that run. I do know I laughed a lot and ran faster! Hmmm, perhaps that is the solution for my slow running? Having people shoot at me while I run?
In other news, I did a triathlon! Ok, part of a triathlon. It was a relay. I did the running part (duh). The really cool part? We got 1st place!! It was really fun and I hope we can do it again next year.
A picture of my team:
Ummm, I'm the one in the middle. I'm assuming all of you could figure that out, but just in case.
I promise I won't wait more than two weeks to post again!
In the meantime, happy running!!!
~Mel
As you all have heard me whine about, my running has been not so stellar this summer. I have not been able to motivate myself. One night while lying in bed pondering my running, I came up with an idea. And by the way, I'm a really fantastic runner when I'm laying in bed at night. For some reason that's when I think about running a lot. I lay there and think about how awesome it is and how great it's going to be when I get up in the morning to run. I forget about the aches and pains and sweat. I even forget about the exhaustion. Then I get up in the morning. Hmmm, maybe running isn't so fantastic?
Anyway, the idea. I don't think I ever loved running more than I did while I was doing the Bridge to 10K program. So I asked myself, why not do that again? Well, a few reasons. Number 1, did that make me a wimp? Did I really need to go back to a beginner program? What is wrong with me that I can't just suck it up and get out there and run? By the way, I still haven't found an answer to those questions. I'm just trying to ignore them. I'm great at avoidance. Number 2, will it push me enough? Number 3, it is only three days per week. And number 4, I will never run more than 6 miles at a time doing it. So, the solutions. As I said, I'm ignoring my stupid questions from number 1 as they are dumb and just my insecurity talking. Number 2, I'm the one that needs to push, not a program. Number 3, who says I need to only do it 3 days per week? The program is a guideline for me at this point, I can modify it! I can do it however many days a week I want to. I'm such a rebel aren't I? And number 4, distance. Well, again, I modified. On the 4th day I will do a longer version of the week I'm on. So week 1 is run 10 min. walk 1 min. four times. On Saturday I did it seven times instead of four. Hello longer run. It worked great!
Since starting this (a whole week and a half ago) I'm really enjoying running again. I'm looking forward to it, not dreading it. Plus, last week my kids went with me twice. They rode their bikes while I ran. It made it really fun. One day I was running with them riding behind me and I start hearing this noise that sounds like indians from an old cowboy and indian movie. Yes, they watch a lot of John Wayne movies. Don't judge. I'm a horrible parent that lets my kids watch violent television. Whatever. Anyway, I hear this noise. Then I see them pointing imaginary bows and arrows at me and shooting. It turns out they are indian braves out to kill me. I'm not sure how many times I got shot during that run. I do know I laughed a lot and ran faster! Hmmm, perhaps that is the solution for my slow running? Having people shoot at me while I run?
In other news, I did a triathlon! Ok, part of a triathlon. It was a relay. I did the running part (duh). The really cool part? We got 1st place!! It was really fun and I hope we can do it again next year.
A picture of my team:
I promise I won't wait more than two weeks to post again!
In the meantime, happy running!!!
~Mel
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Detours
So, it is summer and we are all seeing signs for detours right? Road work is going on all over the place. Everyone hates a detour. You're driving along your normal route, doing great, and you have to get off and go another way. Most of the time this is nothing but an inconvenience. Sometimes though, you end up seeing or doing something great and wonder why you've never come this way before.
My running has taken so many detours this summer (metaphorical and actual) that I barely even recognize it. Have you ever had a new road built in your area next to the old road? You drive on the old road while looking at the new one being built. Then the new road is done and you get to start driving on it. It's all shiny and new and exciting, but you still look over at where the old road was and kind of miss it. Eventually you have to look really close and concentrate to see the old road. Why am I rambling about this, you ask? Well, my running detoured off of the road it was on and hit a dead end for a while. Whoever laid out the detour did not plan well! Then I got back to running, but I was suddenly on a new and different road. The trouble is, I didn't have a chance to prepare. I totally missed the new road being built. When I got on this new road I kept looking and looking for the old road and I can't find it. I guess I need to learn to deal with the new one.
The worst part about this new road is that it is completely different than the old one. The old road was paved and even and covered with glitter. I loved that road. We were good pals. The new road? It is gravel, filled with potholes and hills. It hates me and I can't say I love it very much. It keeps twisting and turning and challenging me. I've had to make peace with this and learn to deal with it. I'm running less miles on this road and have learned I had built up endurance on the old road and need to rebuild it on this road. Now that I have realized this I am so much happier.
Enough of the metaphorical detours. Lets talk about the physical ones. You have all heard me complain about the heat endlessly. And btw, I blame the heat for this new road I'm on. Anyway, due to the heat (and something else that is more than you want to know) I've been running at night. This can be challenging in my tiny town as I have to run back and forth and past the same houses multiple times. Unfortunately, it is also frought with dog issues. I've been running in this area long enough I've gotten to know the dogs and their barks. A few days ago I was running and heard a different bark. I slowed down because it really didn't sound very friendly. Or small. In fact, it sounded mean and large. Well, it was dark so I couldn't tell where it was. I ran slowly for a bit until I saw it. It started coming toward me barking agressively. I wasn't hugely concerned because it was at a house with very good owners that always come out and control their dogs when I run past. Except no lights were on in the house and no cars were in the drive. Oh crap. I promtly turned around and started running the other way. Faced with a choice of fight or flight I will never fight. I'm a wimp. This caused me to have to change my route. I had to run on a gravel road and got to meet a newextremely annoying cute little black dog. It chased me for an entire block nipping at my heals. On my way back by a man was outside with a million five little dogs that were doing their business. He didn't have a shirt on. I think he was shocked to see me. Also, since all five dogs chased me and he had to chase them I don't think he liked me very much. Scratch that little detour off my list.
Last night I attempted to run 6 miles in town. No easy challenge. I had so many dog issues I gave up at 5 miles. I couldn't see the dogs and I was running in parts of town I had never run before, so I didn't know if they were mean or not. They would come running out and I would turn and go the other way. This caused me to just run back and forth in some well lit areas which was less than pleasant. I would have a new running plan in mind, run into a dog and have to change it again. I just finally gave up and went home. I'm trying to adopt a new zen-like attitude about these kinds of detours. So I only ran 5 miles instead of 6. At least I got out there, right? I am trying to quit looking for the old road I used to run on and be at peace with the new one. We will see how it goes!
Update from my last whiny post: I'm going to continue training for the trail race. I don't have to register until September, so I will re-evaluate at that point.
Happy Running ~Mel
My running has taken so many detours this summer (metaphorical and actual) that I barely even recognize it. Have you ever had a new road built in your area next to the old road? You drive on the old road while looking at the new one being built. Then the new road is done and you get to start driving on it. It's all shiny and new and exciting, but you still look over at where the old road was and kind of miss it. Eventually you have to look really close and concentrate to see the old road. Why am I rambling about this, you ask? Well, my running detoured off of the road it was on and hit a dead end for a while. Whoever laid out the detour did not plan well! Then I got back to running, but I was suddenly on a new and different road. The trouble is, I didn't have a chance to prepare. I totally missed the new road being built. When I got on this new road I kept looking and looking for the old road and I can't find it. I guess I need to learn to deal with the new one.
The worst part about this new road is that it is completely different than the old one. The old road was paved and even and covered with glitter. I loved that road. We were good pals. The new road? It is gravel, filled with potholes and hills. It hates me and I can't say I love it very much. It keeps twisting and turning and challenging me. I've had to make peace with this and learn to deal with it. I'm running less miles on this road and have learned I had built up endurance on the old road and need to rebuild it on this road. Now that I have realized this I am so much happier.
Enough of the metaphorical detours. Lets talk about the physical ones. You have all heard me complain about the heat endlessly. And btw, I blame the heat for this new road I'm on. Anyway, due to the heat (and something else that is more than you want to know) I've been running at night. This can be challenging in my tiny town as I have to run back and forth and past the same houses multiple times. Unfortunately, it is also frought with dog issues. I've been running in this area long enough I've gotten to know the dogs and their barks. A few days ago I was running and heard a different bark. I slowed down because it really didn't sound very friendly. Or small. In fact, it sounded mean and large. Well, it was dark so I couldn't tell where it was. I ran slowly for a bit until I saw it. It started coming toward me barking agressively. I wasn't hugely concerned because it was at a house with very good owners that always come out and control their dogs when I run past. Except no lights were on in the house and no cars were in the drive. Oh crap. I promtly turned around and started running the other way. Faced with a choice of fight or flight I will never fight. I'm a wimp. This caused me to have to change my route. I had to run on a gravel road and got to meet a new
Last night I attempted to run 6 miles in town. No easy challenge. I had so many dog issues I gave up at 5 miles. I couldn't see the dogs and I was running in parts of town I had never run before, so I didn't know if they were mean or not. They would come running out and I would turn and go the other way. This caused me to just run back and forth in some well lit areas which was less than pleasant. I would have a new running plan in mind, run into a dog and have to change it again. I just finally gave up and went home. I'm trying to adopt a new zen-like attitude about these kinds of detours. So I only ran 5 miles instead of 6. At least I got out there, right? I am trying to quit looking for the old road I used to run on and be at peace with the new one. We will see how it goes!
Update from my last whiny post: I'm going to continue training for the trail race. I don't have to register until September, so I will re-evaluate at that point.
Happy Running ~Mel
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Decisions, Decisions
I'm stuck trying to make a tough decision. My training has NOT been going well. The longest distance I have run since my half marathon is 8 miles. My longest trail run has been 4. At this point, I don't think I can be ready for Flatrock by September. I'm just not sure I'm going to be able to pull it off. I don't want to do it if I'm going to be dragging myself across the finish line, which is what I think I would be doing.
Had I stuck to my training plan I think I would have been fine. The heat is just kicking my butt though. I know, you are all sick of hearing me complain about the heat, but wow! It's hot! Yestererday I left my house at 5 am and it was already 78 degrees. And honestly, I think I have some kind of mental block going. For some reason I've convinced myself I can't run. Plus, I'm having some bathroom scheduling issues that affect my ability to finish a run. Good times, let me tell you! I'm pretty sure my husband was not thrilled yesterday when I called him at 6:00 to come pick me up because I had to go to the bathroom. Being the good man that he is, he drug himself out of bed and came to get me. He didn't even complain! Have I mentioned lately that he's the best husband ever?
So, if I don't do Flatrock what do I do? The good answer would probably be just run to run for a while, but I can't do that. At this point, if I don't have something to train for I'm not getting out of bed to run every day. I think I'm going to run the Salt City Run for the Rocks. This is the day after Flatrock would have been and is still 13.1 miles, but I think I can do that. I won't break any speed records, but that's no surprise. At this point, running 10 miles would be a huge accomplishment for me.
Anyway, I'm feeling like a wimp and a loser right now. I know scrapping my original plan for the trail run is the best choice right now, but I can't help feeling like a failure. I'm going to mull it over for a few days, hopefully get some more opinions, then I'm going to have to make a decision. Oh, and for the record, I'm not giving up on trail running. I really like it. I plan to throw in some trail runs from time to time, just not get too stressed about it.
Any opinions?
~Mel
Had I stuck to my training plan I think I would have been fine. The heat is just kicking my butt though. I know, you are all sick of hearing me complain about the heat, but wow! It's hot! Yestererday I left my house at 5 am and it was already 78 degrees. And honestly, I think I have some kind of mental block going. For some reason I've convinced myself I can't run. Plus, I'm having some bathroom scheduling issues that affect my ability to finish a run. Good times, let me tell you! I'm pretty sure my husband was not thrilled yesterday when I called him at 6:00 to come pick me up because I had to go to the bathroom. Being the good man that he is, he drug himself out of bed and came to get me. He didn't even complain! Have I mentioned lately that he's the best husband ever?
So, if I don't do Flatrock what do I do? The good answer would probably be just run to run for a while, but I can't do that. At this point, if I don't have something to train for I'm not getting out of bed to run every day. I think I'm going to run the Salt City Run for the Rocks. This is the day after Flatrock would have been and is still 13.1 miles, but I think I can do that. I won't break any speed records, but that's no surprise. At this point, running 10 miles would be a huge accomplishment for me.
Anyway, I'm feeling like a wimp and a loser right now. I know scrapping my original plan for the trail run is the best choice right now, but I can't help feeling like a failure. I'm going to mull it over for a few days, hopefully get some more opinions, then I'm going to have to make a decision. Oh, and for the record, I'm not giving up on trail running. I really like it. I plan to throw in some trail runs from time to time, just not get too stressed about it.
Any opinions?
~Mel
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Heat and Humidity
Have you ever heard the saying "It's not the heat, it's the humidity?" Well, that's true, but it's also the heat!! We are seeing triple digits pretty often around here and running is becoming very unpleasant. Even leaving the house at 5:30 am doesn't guarantee a cool run. Yesterday morning I left at 5:30, but checked the weather first. According to the app on my ipod it was 73 degrees with 100% humidity. That's right. 100%. It was like running through soup. Have you ever walked outside and the heat takes your breath away? Well, try running in that. Not good times my friends.
A monthish ago I bought myself a camelbak and that has helped quite a bit. On Tuesday I unfortunately didn't bring it. I thought "heck, I'm only running 3.5 miles. I don't need a drink." Ha ha ha ha. How wrong I was. It was already 79 degrees out and very humid. I was sweating by the time I reached the end of the block. By the time I got to 2.5 miles I was really thirsty. Being the beggar that I am, I stopped at the Keli-Mart and begged for a cup of ice water. I had no money but they graciously gave me a drink. I should probably mention I know everyone in town, the store is named after my sister, my parents used to own it and I worked there for 10 years. I promise I don't go into random gas stations begging for water. Not that I wouldn't, I just haven't yet.
According to The Weather Channel, we are supposed to be in triple digits the next 10 days. I don't know how I will survive my long run on the weekend. Thankfully half of it is on the trail and therefore in the shade. Another thing to love about trail running!
Off the running topic, my oldest son Ryan is 11 years old today!! Also, his baseball team has made it to the state tournament, which starts today. His team has worked very hard and I'm proud of all of them. Can't wait to watch them play this weekend, even if it is supposed to be over 100 degrees.
A monthish ago I bought myself a camelbak and that has helped quite a bit. On Tuesday I unfortunately didn't bring it. I thought "heck, I'm only running 3.5 miles. I don't need a drink." Ha ha ha ha. How wrong I was. It was already 79 degrees out and very humid. I was sweating by the time I reached the end of the block. By the time I got to 2.5 miles I was really thirsty. Being the beggar that I am, I stopped at the Keli-Mart and begged for a cup of ice water. I had no money but they graciously gave me a drink. I should probably mention I know everyone in town, the store is named after my sister, my parents used to own it and I worked there for 10 years. I promise I don't go into random gas stations begging for water. Not that I wouldn't, I just haven't yet.
According to The Weather Channel, we are supposed to be in triple digits the next 10 days. I don't know how I will survive my long run on the weekend. Thankfully half of it is on the trail and therefore in the shade. Another thing to love about trail running!
Off the running topic, my oldest son Ryan is 11 years old today!! Also, his baseball team has made it to the state tournament, which starts today. His team has worked very hard and I'm proud of all of them. Can't wait to watch them play this weekend, even if it is supposed to be over 100 degrees.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Numbers
Ahhh, numbers. I love them and hate them at the same time. Being a runner, I am surrounded by numbers. They can be very useful and and wonderful and frustrating all at the same time. Miles run, pace, elevation, etc etc etc. Running is surrounded by numbers. Lately, I have been getting too caught up in the numbers.
Todays post is all about how mentally messed up I am :) See, I have this thing with numbers. Sort of an obsession. Ok, not sort of. I have OCD and anxiety. No really. I know people joke about being OCD about stuff, but I really am. My anxiety and OCD sort of manifests itself in numbers. This is something I know and keep an eye out for and can usually control it. Lately, however, I haven't been controlling it so well. It started when I started a new training plan and added speedwork. All of the sudden I was getting caught up in numbers again. And it was so much fun! At least I was convincing myself it was fun. It turns out that it wasn't. I was not enjoying my runs and I was really miserable. I hadn't really made the number connection yet though.
I have not weighed myself since February. Knowing my issues with numbers I finally gave up on the scales since it was better for my mental health. I sort of monitored my weight by how my clothes fit. This worked perfectly. For some reason though, I weighed myself a couple of weeks ago. This started me on a nasty downward spiral. I was back to obsessively counting calories in and out. I set an amount of calories that I will allow myself to consume and won't go over that. Trust me when I say it is not enough. Most days I will end up burning almost as much as I consume. I was also counting repetitions while doing strength training and making sure I did more each time. See, once I know how many reps I've done or miles I've run or whatever, I can't let myself do less the next time. If I do less I hate myself and try to make myself feel better by eating less and doing more. Like I said, downward spiral. Eventually I get to where I can't do anything because my body is exhausted and isn't nourished. At some point, I just break down mentally and physically.
That is what happened to me last week. I realized I had a problem (thankfully it doesn't take me as long as it used to). I reached out for help and luckily I have some really wonderful friends (and the best husband in the world) that were willing to help. One of my friends is so great she has hidden my scales from me and knows not to give them back no matter how much I beg until I know I'm in a place where I can have them. Who knows when that might be. My biggest source of support (besides Rick) on this continuously comes from the wonderful ladies on car-seat.org. It's not just about car seats!! Several members sent me private messages, texted me, whatever they could to make sure I knew I had support. It's nice to be able to send someone a text saying "this sucks. I'm hungry and can't eat. If I eat I will puke" and not be judged. Well, they might think I'm crazy, but they don't tell me I am. They just support me no matter how many times I go through this. And for the record, I would probably have support from my family if I actually admitted to them what what going on. Please don't think my family and friends outside of those online aren't supportive because they are. I just need to be more honest with them.
Right now I am doing much better! This week I decided to run just to run. I didn't run on the trail and didn't worry about my speed. I did do 6x400's on Wednesday, but didn't worry about my speed. Oddly, my pace was fantastic. Faster than normal! I so enjoyed running this week. I didn't do any strength training, just ran. I have 10 mile run for tomorrow, then next week I will slowly get back to strength training and trail running.
This post may not be here long. We'll see how long my courage lasts. Writing this out makes me feel better and stronger. Admitting to what I'm going through helps me to take care of it. And some of you reading won't understand this. That's ok. Unless you've been there it is hard to understand. It doesn't make sense that I don't just eat when I should or when I need to. It doesn't make sense that I wouldn't just quit counting things. Trust me, I don't understand it either. I just know this is something I battle over and over again and probably always will. I can only be thankful that I am learning to recognize the signs before I'm too deeply involved with this stupid disorder and take steps to correct it.
Next post will be back to normal, promise!!
~Mel
Todays post is all about how mentally messed up I am :) See, I have this thing with numbers. Sort of an obsession. Ok, not sort of. I have OCD and anxiety. No really. I know people joke about being OCD about stuff, but I really am. My anxiety and OCD sort of manifests itself in numbers. This is something I know and keep an eye out for and can usually control it. Lately, however, I haven't been controlling it so well. It started when I started a new training plan and added speedwork. All of the sudden I was getting caught up in numbers again. And it was so much fun! At least I was convincing myself it was fun. It turns out that it wasn't. I was not enjoying my runs and I was really miserable. I hadn't really made the number connection yet though.
I have not weighed myself since February. Knowing my issues with numbers I finally gave up on the scales since it was better for my mental health. I sort of monitored my weight by how my clothes fit. This worked perfectly. For some reason though, I weighed myself a couple of weeks ago. This started me on a nasty downward spiral. I was back to obsessively counting calories in and out. I set an amount of calories that I will allow myself to consume and won't go over that. Trust me when I say it is not enough. Most days I will end up burning almost as much as I consume. I was also counting repetitions while doing strength training and making sure I did more each time. See, once I know how many reps I've done or miles I've run or whatever, I can't let myself do less the next time. If I do less I hate myself and try to make myself feel better by eating less and doing more. Like I said, downward spiral. Eventually I get to where I can't do anything because my body is exhausted and isn't nourished. At some point, I just break down mentally and physically.
That is what happened to me last week. I realized I had a problem (thankfully it doesn't take me as long as it used to). I reached out for help and luckily I have some really wonderful friends (and the best husband in the world) that were willing to help. One of my friends is so great she has hidden my scales from me and knows not to give them back no matter how much I beg until I know I'm in a place where I can have them. Who knows when that might be. My biggest source of support (besides Rick) on this continuously comes from the wonderful ladies on car-seat.org. It's not just about car seats!! Several members sent me private messages, texted me, whatever they could to make sure I knew I had support. It's nice to be able to send someone a text saying "this sucks. I'm hungry and can't eat. If I eat I will puke" and not be judged. Well, they might think I'm crazy, but they don't tell me I am. They just support me no matter how many times I go through this. And for the record, I would probably have support from my family if I actually admitted to them what what going on. Please don't think my family and friends outside of those online aren't supportive because they are. I just need to be more honest with them.
Right now I am doing much better! This week I decided to run just to run. I didn't run on the trail and didn't worry about my speed. I did do 6x400's on Wednesday, but didn't worry about my speed. Oddly, my pace was fantastic. Faster than normal! I so enjoyed running this week. I didn't do any strength training, just ran. I have 10 mile run for tomorrow, then next week I will slowly get back to strength training and trail running.
This post may not be here long. We'll see how long my courage lasts. Writing this out makes me feel better and stronger. Admitting to what I'm going through helps me to take care of it. And some of you reading won't understand this. That's ok. Unless you've been there it is hard to understand. It doesn't make sense that I don't just eat when I should or when I need to. It doesn't make sense that I wouldn't just quit counting things. Trust me, I don't understand it either. I just know this is something I battle over and over again and probably always will. I can only be thankful that I am learning to recognize the signs before I'm too deeply involved with this stupid disorder and take steps to correct it.
Next post will be back to normal, promise!!
~Mel
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