Do you know what I think the hardest thing about being a runner is? Balancing time training and/or racing with family. A good example is a race I'm doing this weekend. It is in Arkansas where my mother in law lives. Sounds like a win/win, right? I get to run a race I want to do and we take a family road trip and visit other family at the same time. Awesome! But you wouldn't believe the emotions that have gone into this for me.
First, I couldn't register until we got football schedules because if the boys had a game it was a no go. I got many texts from my mother in law asking if I had registered. Then I found out the race was almost full. Football schedules were late in coming this year so I finally just registered and decided if they had a game I could defer my registration to next year. Well, we got football schedules and there was no regular game that day, but it is/was the championship. The peewee football Super Bowl!! Hmmm, well, we likely won't make it to the Super Bowl, right? We can still go, right? It was obvious early on that Ryan's team wasn't going to make it. Adam's on the other hand was really good. Adam pretty much never plays so I decided if Adam's team makes it just Ryan and I will go to Arkansas. Yes, I would miss Adam's game, but I really wouldn't miss him playing. Yes, I am a bad mother sometimes. And if you think that's bad it's about to get worse. I spent a good portion of Adam's games hoping they wouldn't win! Seriously, wth is wrong with me? I realize that's bad. And good grief, a race isn't that important. And honestly, it wasn't all about the race. I want to have a fun weekend away too.
During the football season Rick and I had more than one "discussion" about whether or not Adam could just miss the game and we could all go. I was all for that, Rick was not. I seriously spent weeks being conflicted about this whole thing. After FlatRock all I could think was that I wish I hadn't even signed up for it. I was forced to run when I didn't want to so I could stay in shape. I was tired and hurting and cranky. Thinking about this race has consumed more time than it needs to and honestly it has affected my ability to be the mom I want to be. Seriously, did you see the part about hoping my sons team didn't win games? I'm ashamed, but whatever. I know people are judging me right now, but hey, I'm guessing all of you have bad parenting moments too.
So now that you are all on the edge of your seats waiting to find out if they made it to the Super Bowl and what we decided about Adam....
They did make it! Go Black Dogs!!! Seriously, I'm happy. After much debate and discussion among ourselves and with Adam we decided Adam would miss the game and we would all go to Arkansas. But wait. I called his coach to tell him this and he said "We aren't playing Saturday. We moved it to the next Saturday!" What?! All of that stress and drama and it was unnecessary? Now Adam gets to go with us and play in the championship! Life is good.
This experience has taught me that I need to prioritze better. I need to take the needs of my family into consideration before I commit to something. I have missed their games before to run and likely will again. I'm ok with this and so are they. I just need to decide when to do that and when not to. And even if a race I want to do is on a day we have no other plans, I know I need to consider the impact on them. Really, I think they can only take so much. Sometimes we need to just relax and be a family. Also, the worry about me when I run. I know there is no reason to worry, but my kids don't know that. I think I can only push them so far and I'm pretty sure we are at the limit right now. It's time for me to back off a little.
Sometimes in running is isn't a matter of "Can I?" but a matter of "Should I?" I need to be better at differentiating between the two.
Does anyone else have this problem?