Wednesday, April 25, 2012

What are you running from?

You know how every once in a while someone says something or asks something and you kind of brush it off, but then it sticks around in your head and you can't quit thinking about it? That happened to me last week. I was talking with my boss, Tim. He's a really great guy by the way and I find myself talking to him about stuff I don't really talk to other people about. I don't know why I do this. He just always makes me feel better and somehow knows the right thing to say. I feel very blessed to work for such a great person. Well, two great people. Tim and Tom, who I like to refer to as The T's.

So last week we were talking about random stuff and I was of course talking about running. He said, "Let me ask you something Mel, what are you running from?" I jokingly said "I'm running from my insanity." I think he was joking with his question and I was joking with my answer, but it really made me think. First of all, does it appear to people that I'm running from something? I hope not. Am I running from something? See, sometimes I think God knows exactly what we need to hear to make us stop and question what we are doing. Tim has an amazing relationship with God so I have no doubt that He put that question in his mind.

I thought about this for a few days and then when I was running one morning the answers sort of came to me.

1. I'm running from depression and anxiety. Since I started running I feel better overall and don't have as many issues with depression. I still have issues and probably always will, but they aren't as bad. Nothing seems as bad after a run as it did before. This is something I talked about with Tim. I don't actively think about my problems while I'm running. Well, sometimes I do, but not for very long. Yet somehow when I'm done I just feel better about things. I'm more relaxed and things seem manageable.

2. I'm running from fat. Nothing deep here. I've been chubby, I don't want to be again. No.Thank.You. So I run to stay thin.

3. I run from disordered eating. I've discussed this one on here before. Yeah, in case you haven't figured it out I'm full of issues. When I'm running a lot I have to eat. I have to be able to fuel my run. I find the desire to control what I'm eating is smaller than my desire to run. This isn't always the case and sometimes the desire to control my food wins. Sometimes it wins for weeks. And if I have to take a break from running then I'm back to battling food issues. However, running has a positive impact on how I eat.

I think those might be the only big things I'm running from. What is more important though, is what I'm running toward.

1. I'm running toward a healthier life. I want to be able to interact with my kids and play with them. I want to be healthy for the rest of my life so that my life lasts longer and I can enjoy time with not only my kids, but my grandkids and great grandkids. I want to take long hikes with my husband instead of just sitting on the couch together watching tv.

2. I'm running toward a better relationshiop with God. I find myself praying while I'm running all the time. I just get in a relaxed state and start talking to God. I don't even notice it happening sometimes. It just does. I will realize I've been praying for 30 minutes and didn't even plan to.

The funny thing is that when I started running I had no goals beyond finishing C25K. It's just something I did. At some point it just became a part of my life. Then a bigger part. Now I know that it enhances my life in ways I never expected it to. And sure, I've had my struggles with running. Right now I'm so frustrated with my pace and other things that I want to give up. I can't though. Is there something out there that would do the same thing for me as running does? Probably. I don't have any desire to try to find out though.


Thursday, April 19, 2012

Oh, how things change!

Last year at this time I was about a month away from my first half marathon. Only half marathon actually, though I've run a couple of 25k's. Yesterday I got a little over 4 miles and was thrilled. Wow. It doesn't seem like I've come very far in a year. It seems more like I backslid. I guess I sort of did, but it was due to an injury, not just a lack of wanting to run. I'm coming back though. While I'm not stronger physically, I am definitely stronger mentally and emotionally. I'm still frustrated every time I go out and have a tough run, which happen too frequently. I feel like I'm never going to get back to where I was last fall. I know I will though. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Not too many times though or I will be right back where I was!

The really good news is that I'm up to 4 miles and am still pain free. I've added a 4th running day per week. I did 1 mile on the 4th day this week. I will add half a mile a week until I get to 3 or 4 probably. Then we will see. The other three days per week I'm sort of doing an abbreviated version of Bridge to 10K to build me up to 6 miles. When I get done with that I will start a marathon training plan. Not to run a marathon, but to build up my mileage. I still really really really hope I can the the Flatrock 50k this year. I am determined to do a 50k in the fall, so if I don't do it at Flatrock then hopefully I can at Pumpkin Holler or Turkey and Taturs. I know I don't want to push myself too far or fast, but don't want to hold myself back either.

The biggest problem I am having right now is just fitting running into my schedule. I hate getting up early to run but afternoons are just crazy. Both boys are playing soccer and they play on opposite nights. Rick has been crazy busy with work, softball and the moon buggy. They raced the moon buggy last week in Alabama though, so that's over. However, he is now in his final few weeks of masters classes so he has a lot to do with that. Oh, did I mention he graduates in less than a month?! I'm so proud of him. Anyway, since he's so busy and I'm driving the boys all over the place it's hard to find time to run. I'm determined though!

Anyway, no exciting news from me. I guess no news is good news, right?

Happy Running!