Sunday, June 2, 2013

Magical, Miraculous, Magnificent Porta Potties

Let me start  by saying, normal people would probably never tell this story. They would hope no one ever found out. I'm clearly not normal because my first thought after this happened was that I have to blog about this. Before you read further, this is way TMI. I warned you. Don't blame me if you keep reading and wish you hadn't.

I was on my long run this morning enjoying life. I felt good, the weather was perfect, I was happy. All the stars aligned and my run was just about as good as it could be. Right before I got to mile 8 I had to go to the bathroom. Bad. I had to go off and on the first few miles, but it always passed. No big deal. Keep in mind, I ALWAYS carry toilet paper on a run. Always. Today I did not. My first though was "oh no. I'm going to have to call Rick to either bring me toilet paper, or just come get me and take me home to go." I kept going because I didn't want to do that. I really wanted to finish this run. I knew if he took me home it would be really hard to get back out there and finish. If he brought toilet paper it would be hard to not get in the truck and go home. So I kept running, hoping for the best. It didn't get better. Finally I decided I was just going to have go and sacrifice my underwear to wipe with. There was a car coming down the road so I thought I would do it after it passed. By the time it passed my stomach felt better. Whew! I can keep going.

I kept running and bit by bit I felt better. Thank goodness! I'm not going to have to do anything gross. I felt like if I could make it to mile 10 I would be happy to just call it a day. At mile 10 I felt pretty great, so I kept running. I got about half a mile and up ahead a saw soemthing blue with a white top. Is that a porta potty? Surely not. I'm way out in the middle of nowhere. No way. I kept running. OMG. I think that's actually a porta potty. Maybe I'm hallucinating. I mean, this is nuts. Run some more. Ok, that's a porta potty. I know I was praying for a bathroom but I'm fairly sure God has more things to worry about than my bathroom needs. I got to the porta potty and realized there had been an auction there yesterday. Ahh, that explains it! It's in a field, on the other side of a barbed wire fence. I have no problem crossing one, but thankfully there was a gate a little ways away. What's a little trespassing when you really have to go?

So I'm in the porta potty doing my thing. I heard a vehicle. I'm close to the road, so I assume it was going by. Huh. That vehicle is really loud. Do I hear voices? OMG. People are out there. Do I wait inside and hope they go away? What if it's the company that brought it coming to pick it up? They aren't leaving. A dog had been following me and it was scratching at the door, giving me away. This is horrible. I finally decided to just go out, apologize and hope they aren't too mad. I stepped out and there is a man and woman grinning from ear to ear. I said "I am really really sorry for trespassing. I've been running a long time and really needed the bathroom and it was here." They weren't mad, they thought it was hilarious. The lady said "I'm glad it was here for you!" Phew! I'm not getting shot, the cops aren't being called. Yes, this is embarrassing, but I don't know them and I feel so much better! I talked to them for a minute about the dog that was with me and ran off. As I'm running away I hear "Huh. Never would have expected to find someone in the porta potty this morning" followed by hysterical laughter. Yeah, it was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life, but I finished my run, so I can live with it.

For anyone that knows the microwave story, my husband said he can finally forgive me because I now know what it is like to be that embarrassed. Finally I'm forgiven!! If you don't know that story, ask me sometime. It's terrific.

Storm the Dam is less than a week away! Bring it.



  1. Amazingly funny, and you make a funny story outrageously hysterical!! With your earrings, I bet zero% opted out of reading it.

  2. Very interesting to read. Porta potties are essential for outdoor events.

    Portable Restrooms San Francisco