You know how every once in a while someone says something or asks something and you kind of brush it off, but then it sticks around in your head and you can't quit thinking about it? That happened to me last week. I was talking with my boss, Tim. He's a really great guy by the way and I find myself talking to him about stuff I don't really talk to other people about. I don't know why I do this. He just always makes me feel better and somehow knows the right thing to say. I feel very blessed to work for such a great person. Well, two great people. Tim and Tom, who I like to refer to as The T's.
So last week we were talking about random stuff and I was of course talking about running. He said, "Let me ask you something Mel, what are you running from?" I jokingly said "I'm running from my insanity." I think he was joking with his question and I was joking with my answer, but it really made me think. First of all, does it appear to people that I'm running from something? I hope not. Am I running from something? See, sometimes I think God knows exactly what we need to hear to make us stop and question what we are doing. Tim has an amazing relationship with God so I have no doubt that He put that question in his mind.
I thought about this for a few days and then when I was running one morning the answers sort of came to me.
1. I'm running from depression and anxiety. Since I started running I feel better overall and don't have as many issues with depression. I still have issues and probably always will, but they aren't as bad. Nothing seems as bad after a run as it did before. This is something I talked about with Tim. I don't actively think about my problems while I'm running. Well, sometimes I do, but not for very long. Yet somehow when I'm done I just feel better about things. I'm more relaxed and things seem manageable.
2. I'm running from fat. Nothing deep here. I've been chubby, I don't want to be again. No.Thank.You. So I run to stay thin.
3. I run from disordered eating. I've discussed this one on here before. Yeah, in case you haven't figured it out I'm full of issues. When I'm running a lot I have to eat. I have to be able to fuel my run. I find the desire to control what I'm eating is smaller than my desire to run. This isn't always the case and sometimes the desire to control my food wins. Sometimes it wins for weeks. And if I have to take a break from running then I'm back to battling food issues. However, running has a positive impact on how I eat.
I think those might be the only big things I'm running from. What is more important though, is what I'm running toward.
1. I'm running toward a healthier life. I want to be able to interact with my kids and play with them. I want to be healthy for the rest of my life so that my life lasts longer and I can enjoy time with not only my kids, but my grandkids and great grandkids. I want to take long hikes with my husband instead of just sitting on the couch together watching tv.
2. I'm running toward a better relationshiop with God. I find myself praying while I'm running all the time. I just get in a relaxed state and start talking to God. I don't even notice it happening sometimes. It just does. I will realize I've been praying for 30 minutes and didn't even plan to.
The funny thing is that when I started running I had no goals beyond finishing C25K. It's just something I did. At some point it just became a part of my life. Then a bigger part. Now I know that it enhances my life in ways I never expected it to. And sure, I've had my struggles with running. Right now I'm so frustrated with my pace and other things that I want to give up. I can't though. Is there something out there that would do the same thing for me as running does? Probably. I don't have any desire to try to find out though.